Post 5 - This One Time

Back when I was, oh, a youth, my mother tripped, fell, and broke her ankle. While Dad drove her to the hospital, I was strategically stationed at home.

“Prepare the house," he said. An enigmatic instruction, at best.

Not knowing quite what that meant, I decided to clean. Everything.

Dishes, dusting, laundry, trash; you name it, I did it. I’m not bragging, I’m explaining how I stumbled upon (sorry, Mom) the best idea ever to prepare your living space for post-surgery. (Unrelated, the idea also works for vacations.)

I figured if my mother saw something that needed to be done, she would try to do it. Especially things near her bed, or anywhere she could conceivably reach or hobble to.

I was totally right.

By cleaning the house, I effectively removed temptation (well, deferred it, at least), enough for her body to get the rest it needed. To just SIT and RECOVER for a few days.

So, load the week before your surgery with mundane household tasks. Make a checklist, or (if you’re super cool) an Excel worksheet. Mine included:

• All laundry, including towels and throws
• All dishes
• General house picking-up-of-things
• Vacuuming

And most important…

• Wash and replace bedding. Trust me, nothing is better than drugged, half-conscious crawling into a freshly laundered bed. (Also, nothing is more embarrassing that having a friend help you into the odd smelling, covered-in-cat-hair sheets you usually sleep in.)

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Next Post 9/2:  Squeezing Pears

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Question: What is your best pre-surgery tip?

Post 4 - This Sucks

Having a breast lump aspirated is a fairly simple, straightforward process, somewhat similar to getting a flu shot except the needle goes in your chest instead of your arm.

And it pulls out liquid instead of pushing some in. 

“How awful,” you say, shuddering. “My boob hurts just thinking about that.”

True, but I forgot to mention the lovely topical numbing medicine put on your skin before any scary needles come out to play. Seriously, for me, the whole thing took less than 20 minutes. I didn’t feel a thing (I didn’t look either), and I went to work afterward. No side effects that I remember. 

I honestly wish all of my lumps could have been taken away via this method. Alas, #3 was the black sheep. The rest have all been removed through surgery. Except #'s 7 through 11, they're just hanging out. (See Blog Post 3, numeral 1.)

Update 2015:

I'll admit. It took me a while to accept how my breast scars look. I am thankful to have a great surgeon who likes to use old scars are new entry points. I am thankful to never have had anything more than a few lumps removed. (There are women much more bad-ass than me who have had a LOT more taken off of them. See "Why I Gave Up My Breasts") But I still have several scars. I'm okay with them now. They're my scars. They remind me of how lucky I've been. 

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Next Post 8/26:  The Girl Who Liked to Use Excel Worksheets

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Question:  Do you have any major scars? Which one is your favorite, or has the best story behind it?

Post 3 - Don’t Just Sit There

Ultrasounds are easy, painless, and gooey, but there is often a lot of down-time involved. Between waiting for the tech nurse to call your name and waiting for the radiology doctor to examine the pictures, I’ve wasted upwards of an hour and a half. Bring a good book or filch one of the better magazines from the waiting room. 

You will be lying down, so wear comfortable pants. 

Sometimes after the ultrasound is done they can give you immediate feedback, but usually they’ll just tell you to meet with your specialist. Follow their instructions. 

After talking with the specialist, I’ve received the following results:

• It’s nothing to worry about. Keep an eye on it, and check back in after 6 months for another ultrasound and / or mammogram.
• It’s mostly liquid, so set up an appointment to have the lump aspirated.
• It’s solid and needs to be biopsied via surgery.

If it’s either of the latter, ask questions about the procedure. If you’re not sure you understand, ask again. Collect handouts and reading material. Set up any appointments (aspiration or surgery) at the office BEFORE you leave. Make sure you are aware of your financial responsibilities. All of them. (For example, if your surgery requires an anesthesiologist, they are a separate cost from the surgeon.)

Concentrate on immediate next steps, i.e. what you need to take care of. Talk to your significant other, a friend, or family member about your concerns and worries; let them “in” on what’s going on inside your chest. Remember to breathe. 

And start eating more tomatoes. 

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Next Post 8/19:  “What knockers!” “Oh, thank you, doctor.”

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Question:  Have you ever had an ultrasound? What was your experience like?

Post 2 - 2nd Base

But before you go, write down a few details to take along to the doctor:

• How long have you had the lump?
• Has anyone in your immediate family had lumps?
• Date of your last period? (Somewhat unrelated, but this question always catches me by surprise. Every. Time. And I have to sit there for a moment with this, ‘When IS the last time I bled out?’ look on my face while I desperately try to recall some event to jog my memory.)

The doctor will usually perform a full breast examination, feeling up both your boobs and under your armpits. (Twice when I have gone in, they found a second lump. Not the norm, I’m just that lucky.) 

Afterward they might tell you it’s nothing to worry about, or they might refer you to a specialist (someone who has studied extensively over that thing you have) or tell you to go in for an ultrasound / mammogram. Sometimes both.

Set up these appointments right away. Don’t stash the papers in your purse or hide them in the To Do drawer. Call THAT DAY to set up the appointment. (I’ve done it outside the doctor’s office sitting in my car.) Why? Two reasons:

1. Because specialists often book up fast, and if you have to schedule both, you’ll want them relatively close together. Example: Monday – Ultrasound. Wednesday – Meet with Specialist.
2. Because your doctor’s office probably faxed over a referral request and we all know how reliable fax machines are and how easily papers can be misplaced. (I actually made 5 calls and 1 visit between my doctor’s office and the specialist’s over a “missing” faxed referral before someone figured out the paper HAD been sent, my name just wasn’t on it. Oops.)

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Next Post 8/12: Organic is best.

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Question: Do you know your family’s history regarding lumps and bumps?